My heart sank as I watched the second line get darker & darker. “I can’t do this again”, I thought to myself….
I have taken more pregnancy tests in my life than I care to count & this one was the most positive test I had ever seen. Just four months after my 7th miscarriage (or 8th, I’m not sure anymore. My husband reminded me of one I’d blocked out just a few days ago) I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We had tried for nearly 10 months to get pregnant with no results. And I got pregnant twice in 4 months.
By my calculations I was about 5 ½ weeks along, so I had about two to four weeks to prepare myself for another miscarriage. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after I took the test because I was set to leave town on work & did not want to have a miscarriage away from home. The doctor I saw was not my usual doctor. She listened with empathy as I told her my history & then she ordered a blood test & ultrasound. The tests confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant & the doctor told me to make another appointment with my regular OB/GYN in two weeks. Two weeks is an ETERNITY to wait for bad news….I waited for the typical signs of miscarriage: cramps, sharp pain, nausea, bleeding. Nothing happened. At all. I began to think maybe I’d read the test wrong & the ultrasound had simply acted up that day. On the day of my appointment I waited for the doctor to tell me I was crazy & had never been pregnant, just going through menopause or something. But she didn’t. “Well, congratulations, everything looks great. There‘s the heartbeat,” she said. “Looks like you’ll be having a baby in November.” The doctor then told me my actual projected due date was November 18, but I would more than likely deliver via caesarean section November 11. November 11. When I got outside the office building I looked up at the sky I said, “November 11?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!” My grandmother’s birthday was November 11.
I didn’t believe her. For the next few months I puked my guts out, could barely get out of bed because the ligaments in my pelvic region were stretching beyond their limits, my boobs hurt. And I still didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her each time I went in for a check up & heard the baby’s heartbeat.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself believe I was carrying a baby because that would mean I would lose another baby. And I couldn’t lose another baby. So I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let myself believe there was a little person growing inside me.
But little person had another idea. Nugget let me know she was in there & sticking around at 12 weeks. She punched me. And not a sweet little tappy tap ---- A HARD, strong punch straight to the gut. She kept at it, too, for the rest of her stay in her Uterine Suite. Man, that baby could kick….I fell in love with Owynne the first time I saw her. She weighed a little less than a can of pop & was sucking her thumb. And from that moment on, I was hooked. I fell head over heels in love with this baby growing inside me & I couldn’t wait to meet her. My little Nugget. She gave me hell the next few months & I even hung out in the hospital several times for pre term labor.
Owynne Faith made her world debut November 11, 2009. She screamed long enough to let us know she was here & not going anywhere, then she calmed down & just took everything in. When she is tired she plays with her ears & has since her first day here. Her first word was “Dah” for her Daddy & she once called me “poop”. She is fiercely independent, but puts her hand on my cheek to help her go to sleep….
Happy Birthday, Owynne Faith. You are the best surprise I’ve ever had & Mommy loves you so very.
I have taken more pregnancy tests in my life than I care to count & this one was the most positive test I had ever seen. Just four months after my 7th miscarriage (or 8th, I’m not sure anymore. My husband reminded me of one I’d blocked out just a few days ago) I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We had tried for nearly 10 months to get pregnant with no results. And I got pregnant twice in 4 months.
By my calculations I was about 5 ½ weeks along, so I had about two to four weeks to prepare myself for another miscarriage. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after I took the test because I was set to leave town on work & did not want to have a miscarriage away from home. The doctor I saw was not my usual doctor. She listened with empathy as I told her my history & then she ordered a blood test & ultrasound. The tests confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant & the doctor told me to make another appointment with my regular OB/GYN in two weeks. Two weeks is an ETERNITY to wait for bad news….I waited for the typical signs of miscarriage: cramps, sharp pain, nausea, bleeding. Nothing happened. At all. I began to think maybe I’d read the test wrong & the ultrasound had simply acted up that day. On the day of my appointment I waited for the doctor to tell me I was crazy & had never been pregnant, just going through menopause or something. But she didn’t. “Well, congratulations, everything looks great. There‘s the heartbeat,” she said. “Looks like you’ll be having a baby in November.” The doctor then told me my actual projected due date was November 18, but I would more than likely deliver via caesarean section November 11. November 11. When I got outside the office building I looked up at the sky I said, “November 11?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!” My grandmother’s birthday was November 11.
I didn’t believe her. For the next few months I puked my guts out, could barely get out of bed because the ligaments in my pelvic region were stretching beyond their limits, my boobs hurt. And I still didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her each time I went in for a check up & heard the baby’s heartbeat.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself believe I was carrying a baby because that would mean I would lose another baby. And I couldn’t lose another baby. So I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let myself believe there was a little person growing inside me.
But little person had another idea. Nugget let me know she was in there & sticking around at 12 weeks. She punched me. And not a sweet little tappy tap ---- A HARD, strong punch straight to the gut. She kept at it, too, for the rest of her stay in her Uterine Suite. Man, that baby could kick….I fell in love with Owynne the first time I saw her. She weighed a little less than a can of pop & was sucking her thumb. And from that moment on, I was hooked. I fell head over heels in love with this baby growing inside me & I couldn’t wait to meet her. My little Nugget. She gave me hell the next few months & I even hung out in the hospital several times for pre term labor.
Owynne Faith made her world debut November 11, 2009. She screamed long enough to let us know she was here & not going anywhere, then she calmed down & just took everything in. When she is tired she plays with her ears & has since her first day here. Her first word was “Dah” for her Daddy & she once called me “poop”. She is fiercely independent, but puts her hand on my cheek to help her go to sleep….
Happy Birthday, Owynne Faith. You are the best surprise I’ve ever had & Mommy loves you so very.
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