On Worth

Yesterday I celebrated the beginning of my 39th year of life.

(damn, that's really close to 40.) 

The day started out beautiful. It was chilly, but the sun was shining & the sky was a bright shade of blue. I had a couple of hours to myself, enjoyed a much needed conversation with a beautiful friend, then ate lunch with my girls at school where I saw another friend. I even got to take a short nap. Somewhere along the way the sun went into hiding, the skies turned grey, & my mood went with it. The peace & contentment I had felt was replaced by sadness & an overall feeling of just being....lost. I couldn't figure it out. Nothing had happened to bring on these feelings; they just kind of crept in. Do you ever feel that way? I have a natural tendency toward depression, so things like this sometimes happen. Most of the time I can shake it off fairly quickly with music, dancing, sewing, or just willing myself to be free & silly. Which was the case yesterday. My littlest came in to the bathroom as I was getting ready for our family dinner date. She looked at me with her big brown eyes & I just knew everything was fine. I also stuck her nannyhose (some people might call them tights, which is just weird) on her head & she looked like a little floppy eared bunny, so that helped. And the rest of the day was just as it had began. Beautiful.

But sometimes that feeling of being lost sticks around for a while & I just can't get rid of it. Colors dull to a grey scale & nothing seems to be right. I don't feel worthy of the life I have been given & begin to despair I will be caught in the lie that is me. Maybe the people in my life will discover I am not worthy of their friendship, their love. I get so scared of being "found out" that I simply shut down & lock all my doors & windows because it's easier than letting people in. Other times I feel nothing at all. That's the worst. These things are all myths that depression has created. Certain circumstances in my life have perpetuated my depression & it has definitely gotten the best of me a few times. There were times I wasn't sure I would be able to see color ever again. 

I know I am better than that. I AM BETTER THAN DEPRESSION.

So I finally rounded up enough courage to ask for help. Initially I sought out therapy for my girls. I wanted to make sure I could be the best version of myself for them. Because they deserve a happy, healthy, strong mama & positive role model. After several sessions, I began to feel different. And I started acknowledging the effects my sessions were having on me. I felt light, hopeful, strong, & colorful more. I began to understand &, most importantly, appreciate my worth like I never had before. 

I am so proud to share that I have partnered with Ribbon of Worth Foundation to help others remember their own worth. Here is their mission statement:

Ribbon of Worth Foundation is dedicated to promoting individual and community wellness by strengthening self-worth, through advocacy, education, research and service. 

10% of each sale from my Etsy shop will be donated to Ribbon of Worth Foundation to help support its mission & sustain the understanding that we are all worthy creatures. Worthy of life, love, happiness, & color. 

And now, because I can never seem to keep things serious for too long, please enjoy my worthy fish face.