I Never Thought I'd....

That's the name of the essay contest I am entering. Sponsored by Real Simple magazine, the contest charges entries to finish the sentence "I never thought I'd...." When I first saw the advertisement for this in the August issue I passed it by. But something kept pulling me back to it & I thought about it for the rest of the day. I wasn't sure how I would finish the sentence; then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I never thought I'd ever in a million, BAZILLION years enter an essay contest. Allowing people in, being vulnerable to criticism....But I am going to do it. Wish me luck.

So....

My hubs is out of town on business for the rest of the week & took the camera. Not quite sure what I am going to do without it 'til Friday. ..

Sunday Quote

From now on, each Sunday I will share a different quote. I found this one & thought it another sign from my Friend that Hope & Faith Creations is headed in the right direction....

You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel.   
 --- Pau (Pablo) Casals

Now, go hug your children & share these words with them....

It's Time....

Losing someone you love is always painful. Losing a child can be unbearable....Several of my friends & family members have lost a young child to miscarriage, stillbirth, or complications from significant prematurity. My husband & I have 6 babies in Heaven waiting for us. 

I have even more people in my life who had to deliver a child into the world early & learned very quickly the special needs of a preemie; my niece, Ashley, was born 10 weeks early. She weighed a little over three pounds at birth & was the tiniest thing I had ever seen. I remember feeling so helpless as I sat with my sister in the NICU watching Ashley sleep & being surrounded by all the sweet, innocent babies fighting for themselves in one way or another....

I experienced several months of pre-term labor with our second daughter, Owynne Faith,  & was so very grateful when she was born last November at 39 weeks. I have always enjoyed making things; being crafty. Wynnie was a gigantic surprise, especially since I had my sixth miscarriage a few short months before she was conceived. The room that once held all my crafting items had to be turned into a nursery, so my crafting time & space fell by the wayside. It wasn't until Owynne was about 3 months old that I began to feel this intense desire to create once more, so I began making clothing items & things for my girls & others.  I consider myself to be creative, but haven't been able to pinpoint until today why this has become so important to me:

I recently opened a shop on Etsy, Hope & Faith Creations. But it wasn't thought through well so I closed down to rethink my plan. Today, after hearing of some friends' devastating loss of their son, I believe the true reason for the creation of Hope & Faith has been given to me by Him: Hope & Faith Creations will reopen in late August in honor of our children, Karsen Hope & Owynne Faith. God has blessed my husband & me with two amazing, wonderful, beautiful girls & now it is time to pay it forward. So we will honor all children by donating a percentage of sales to an organization helping & protecting children each quarter.

To honor the babies that were born too early & have gone Home & the babies who fought so hard to stay here, Hope & Faith Creations will collect 10% from each sale in August through December to donate to the March of Dimes. 

Please consider visiting the shop upon its reopening & help support our futures....

Success....

as defined in our house today: dress up, pizza lunch, bottles, princess search book, & 4 girls under the age of 4 resting quietly --- & simultaneously --- for 35 minutes. HOO & RAY. Did I mention the toy explosion in the living room?

I do believe I have jinxed myself because I now hear both babies & two big girls talking. Next up: pedicures, drawing on the windows, & a movie date with Tiana . Have I mentioned I L-O-V-E my new job?

Tomorrow....

I will have a party at my house. A party with a 5 month old, an 8 month old, a 3 1/2 year old, a 4 year old, & a dog. All girls. All day. May the force be with me.

Ain't Too Proud to Beg....

So, I want know how the heck I become one of those cool people companies just send stuff to. You know, to test out. Give my opinion. Keep it. Love it. Blog about it. I have made a greedyrific small list of things I feel I really need to test out. And keep:

* Step 2 friends, my children could really use a playhouse. A cottage would be lovely; something that several little ones can play in at once. How about this one? Or this one?  I'm --- er, I mean, they ---- are not picky....

*  Dear Vera Bradley, there are several items of yours I feel my family could really provide a lot of feedback for....The Weekender  in Night & Day or Paprika would make the hours long car rides to see family more bearable. Really anything in either pattern a cool, hip mom of two sassies could use my opinion. My husband would look FABTACULAR in the Loves Me necktie. The girls could use matching Audrey handbags. Sure, Owynne is only 8 months old, but it's never too early to learn about cute bags. Preferably ones in the Loves Me pattern....Or the Cupcake patterns.

* Krylon compadres. Your marketing department could definitely benefit from my opinions on your many spray paint colors & chalkboard paint. I heart spray paint.

* I am ADDICTED  to buttons, so I am certain I could provide valuable input on this, Discount School Supply people. A few hundred 3lb bags ought to be enough for me to determine an opinion.

* For those of you who know me well, I am a bit of a nail polish hound. I am raising the girls to love it as well. So here's you to, OPI. Thanks in advance.

* Ribbon, ribbon, ribbon. I love ribbon!!!! In particular, I love grosgrain ribbon. So, neighbors at Offray, I would LOVE to provide you with my discerning opinion on any & all of your grosgrain ribbon products.

* And, last but certainly not least, I have recently become completely infatuated with FABRIC. I think I would make a most excellent reviewer for the latest Michael Miller , Alexander Henry , Moda, Robert Kaufman, & Mary Engelbreit  fabrics. I would also be fantastic at reviewing any out of date or retired fabrics you may have laying about your warehouses....

So there you have it. As you can clearly see I would make an outstanding asset to any of these Research & Marketing teams. Tell your friends, companies.

I truly do love all the wonderful items I have listed here; I have not been paid monetarily by these companies to say these things. Nor have I been provided product ---- yet. 

My New J-O-B

Four days into my new job, & I am completely convinced I have made the right choice for me & my family. I have joined a large, family oriented organization, SAHM. Here are my new bosses:

These two are the most demanding, loudest, most critical bosses I have ever had. But they are also the most forgiving, wonderful, fun, & downright loving bosses I have ever had. I couldn't have asked for a better career move....

OK, so I stumbled across a cute website ----www.twoofakindworkingonafullhouse.com. 
She has all kinds of fun product info, recipes, & LOTS of awesome giveaways! She's having a giveaway right now for this: http://www.twoofakindworkingonafullhouse.com/search/label/giveaway. It's for a great store ---- http://www.downeastbasics.com/ ---- I have added it to my faves so I have instant access to all of DownEast Basic's cute stuff! You should go take a look!!

WHY?

5/19/2010: Why in the world is it so flippin' hard for me to take care of myself? I will take care of other people until the cows come home, but refuse to take time for myself. It. Is. ANNOYING.

Right now I am watching "Ruby" on the Style network & a lady on the show just said, "I enjoy being a servant." What in the holy hell?!?! I completely get what she is saying, but I don't feel like I necessarily enjoy it....I feel like it's just something I need to do: take care of others. Others? Who?! Babies, husband, puppy, friends, family, nieces, nephews, cousins, work....And when people say to me "Hey Jennifer, do you need anything?" or "Can I help you do anything?" my response is almost always "Nope, I'm good! Thanks, though!" What is wrong with me that I don't allow others to help me or take care of me?

***EDIT***5/25/2010: WOW. It is WEIRD to me that I started this a week ago & had, what can only be described as, a "Come to Jesus" meeting with my husband about this exact thing four days later. He called me out on a lot of things I didn't even realize I was doing ---- or in my case, not doing. 


For as long as I can remember I have consistently assumed the role of caregiver. I chose a career path in which I would be serving & caring for others. In fact, if I really think about it, I could even go so far as to say I also appointed myself the role of savior. OK, I don't know if "savior" is exactly the most appropriate word to use; after all my name is not Jesus, it's Jennifer. But I constantly find myself trying to "save" someone. Save someone from an addiction, a bad relationship, pain, themselves....I grab up as much of their pain, heartache, & suffering that I can hold on to so they don't have to. Throughout my career I've taken physical abuse & hateful words from children because I know their tiny little hearts can't take all the pain inflicted on them by others. I allow it because I am adult & should be able to handle the burden, pain, & shame that comes with some of the things these children have been through. I take it & lock it away; I put it on a shelf in the back corner of my mind & my heart so it can't hurt anyone anymore. I find myself doing this with adults too.


At some point in my teenage/young adult years I must have gotten a tattoo on my forehead that reads "TELL ME ALL YOUR SHIT. DON'T WORRY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU!" Yeah, I am "that" person. And if you're one of "those" people you know exactly what I am talking about. I carry around so much baggage daily that is not my own that perhaps you should contact me if you've ever lost luggage in an airport. I bet I have it stored away in my brain....Or my heart. 


Reading this over I sound a bit whiny & melodramatic. After all, it's not like I've ever stopped anyone from telling me things. "Nope, sorry. Can't hear about your break up/alcohol addiction/unwanted pregnancy/work issues today. I've got gardening to do!" I mean, honestly. Who does that? I'd want someone to listen to me if I had problems. Oh, wait, I DO HAVE PROBLEMS. Maybe if I could lift some of my own burdens I'd be better equipped to carry the loads of others more effectively. But lifting your burdens means you must face them, & I am TERRIBLE at that. I would rather face a mountain of others' burdens than address even one of my own. Don't know why; never been good at it. I don't know if, like monsters in the closet,  I think they'll disappear if I ignore them long enough or if it's because admitting I have pain & sorrow means they will come at me with a vengeance & eventually break me. In my twisted sense of reality admitting these feelings to others means you are weak. And I don't like being weak. In fact, in pisses me right off. I like to be in control & I like to know what's next.

None of this really makes a lot of sense, but whatever. Bottom line: I don't know how to take care of myself, but I am learning.