- Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos - the trees, the clouds, everything.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday....
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sunday....
- Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Owynne Faith
My heart sank as I watched the second line get darker & darker. “I can’t do this again”, I thought to myself….
I have taken more pregnancy tests in my life than I care to count & this one was the most positive test I had ever seen. Just four months after my 7th miscarriage (or 8th, I’m not sure anymore. My husband reminded me of one I’d blocked out just a few days ago) I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We had tried for nearly 10 months to get pregnant with no results. And I got pregnant twice in 4 months.
By my calculations I was about 5 ½ weeks along, so I had about two to four weeks to prepare myself for another miscarriage. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after I took the test because I was set to leave town on work & did not want to have a miscarriage away from home. The doctor I saw was not my usual doctor. She listened with empathy as I told her my history & then she ordered a blood test & ultrasound. The tests confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant & the doctor told me to make another appointment with my regular OB/GYN in two weeks. Two weeks is an ETERNITY to wait for bad news….I waited for the typical signs of miscarriage: cramps, sharp pain, nausea, bleeding. Nothing happened. At all. I began to think maybe I’d read the test wrong & the ultrasound had simply acted up that day. On the day of my appointment I waited for the doctor to tell me I was crazy & had never been pregnant, just going through menopause or something. But she didn’t. “Well, congratulations, everything looks great. There‘s the heartbeat,” she said. “Looks like you’ll be having a baby in November.” The doctor then told me my actual projected due date was November 18, but I would more than likely deliver via caesarean section November 11. November 11. When I got outside the office building I looked up at the sky I said, “November 11?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!” My grandmother’s birthday was November 11.
I didn’t believe her. For the next few months I puked my guts out, could barely get out of bed because the ligaments in my pelvic region were stretching beyond their limits, my boobs hurt. And I still didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her each time I went in for a check up & heard the baby’s heartbeat.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself believe I was carrying a baby because that would mean I would lose another baby. And I couldn’t lose another baby. So I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let myself believe there was a little person growing inside me.
But little person had another idea. Nugget let me know she was in there & sticking around at 12 weeks. She punched me. And not a sweet little tappy tap ---- A HARD, strong punch straight to the gut. She kept at it, too, for the rest of her stay in her Uterine Suite. Man, that baby could kick….I fell in love with Owynne the first time I saw her. She weighed a little less than a can of pop & was sucking her thumb. And from that moment on, I was hooked. I fell head over heels in love with this baby growing inside me & I couldn’t wait to meet her. My little Nugget. She gave me hell the next few months & I even hung out in the hospital several times for pre term labor.
Owynne Faith made her world debut November 11, 2009. She screamed long enough to let us know she was here & not going anywhere, then she calmed down & just took everything in. When she is tired she plays with her ears & has since her first day here. Her first word was “Dah” for her Daddy & she once called me “poop”. She is fiercely independent, but puts her hand on my cheek to help her go to sleep….
Happy Birthday, Owynne Faith. You are the best surprise I’ve ever had & Mommy loves you so very.
I have taken more pregnancy tests in my life than I care to count & this one was the most positive test I had ever seen. Just four months after my 7th miscarriage (or 8th, I’m not sure anymore. My husband reminded me of one I’d blocked out just a few days ago) I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We had tried for nearly 10 months to get pregnant with no results. And I got pregnant twice in 4 months.
By my calculations I was about 5 ½ weeks along, so I had about two to four weeks to prepare myself for another miscarriage. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after I took the test because I was set to leave town on work & did not want to have a miscarriage away from home. The doctor I saw was not my usual doctor. She listened with empathy as I told her my history & then she ordered a blood test & ultrasound. The tests confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant & the doctor told me to make another appointment with my regular OB/GYN in two weeks. Two weeks is an ETERNITY to wait for bad news….I waited for the typical signs of miscarriage: cramps, sharp pain, nausea, bleeding. Nothing happened. At all. I began to think maybe I’d read the test wrong & the ultrasound had simply acted up that day. On the day of my appointment I waited for the doctor to tell me I was crazy & had never been pregnant, just going through menopause or something. But she didn’t. “Well, congratulations, everything looks great. There‘s the heartbeat,” she said. “Looks like you’ll be having a baby in November.” The doctor then told me my actual projected due date was November 18, but I would more than likely deliver via caesarean section November 11. November 11. When I got outside the office building I looked up at the sky I said, “November 11?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!” My grandmother’s birthday was November 11.
I didn’t believe her. For the next few months I puked my guts out, could barely get out of bed because the ligaments in my pelvic region were stretching beyond their limits, my boobs hurt. And I still didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe her each time I went in for a check up & heard the baby’s heartbeat.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself believe I was carrying a baby because that would mean I would lose another baby. And I couldn’t lose another baby. So I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let myself believe there was a little person growing inside me.
But little person had another idea. Nugget let me know she was in there & sticking around at 12 weeks. She punched me. And not a sweet little tappy tap ---- A HARD, strong punch straight to the gut. She kept at it, too, for the rest of her stay in her Uterine Suite. Man, that baby could kick….I fell in love with Owynne the first time I saw her. She weighed a little less than a can of pop & was sucking her thumb. And from that moment on, I was hooked. I fell head over heels in love with this baby growing inside me & I couldn’t wait to meet her. My little Nugget. She gave me hell the next few months & I even hung out in the hospital several times for pre term labor.
Owynne Faith made her world debut November 11, 2009. She screamed long enough to let us know she was here & not going anywhere, then she calmed down & just took everything in. When she is tired she plays with her ears & has since her first day here. Her first word was “Dah” for her Daddy & she once called me “poop”. She is fiercely independent, but puts her hand on my cheek to help her go to sleep….
Happy Birthday, Owynne Faith. You are the best surprise I’ve ever had & Mommy loves you so very.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I NEED THIS.
Seriously. I need this bike....Can you just see me cruising around G Town in this baby?! Two girls & a furry dog girl in the back, me happily pedaling along the street, picking up more goodies to stuff in the back with the kids. I need this bike.
Life....
sure has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Sometimes it takes a gigantic kick in the ass (or seven) for you to wake up & remember what is important.
Outward appearances can be deceiving; they can fool you into believing a person or situation has it all together & everything is super duper. When, in fact, he (or she) is barely hanging on by a thread behind closed doors.
It's OK to ask for help. To admit you need it & to welcome it with open arms when a caring person offers.
You can't go through life trying to do everything alone. God (or whoever you believe in ---- or don't, I'm not judging) places certain people in our paths for very specific reasons, I believe. But He is only going to hit you over the head (or kick you in the ass) with them so many times. You have to welcome the gifts that life brings you. And by you, of course, I mean me.
I have chosen to make it my mission to welcome the gifts coming into my life. It's not going to be easy to undo years of politely pushing people away, keeping them at arm's length. But I am trying. And a big, giant public thank you hug to all my gifts who have never given up on me.
I love you.
Now, go hug a gift....
Outward appearances can be deceiving; they can fool you into believing a person or situation has it all together & everything is super duper. When, in fact, he (or she) is barely hanging on by a thread behind closed doors.
It's OK to ask for help. To admit you need it & to welcome it with open arms when a caring person offers.
You can't go through life trying to do everything alone. God (or whoever you believe in ---- or don't, I'm not judging) places certain people in our paths for very specific reasons, I believe. But He is only going to hit you over the head (or kick you in the ass) with them so many times. You have to welcome the gifts that life brings you. And by you, of course, I mean me.
I have chosen to make it my mission to welcome the gifts coming into my life. It's not going to be easy to undo years of politely pushing people away, keeping them at arm's length. But I am trying. And a big, giant public thank you hug to all my gifts who have never given up on me.
I love you.
Now, go hug a gift....
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