On Brave & Beautiful

I am almost 40 years old. 
I have grey hair. 
I need a haircut.
I have stretch marks & saggy skin. 
I am overweight.
I still get zits.
Damn squinty eye.
I have perpetual black bags under my eyes. 

All these things have been a source of discontent or frustration at one time or another. Or in the case of today, I woke up feeling acutely aware of all of them. 

I posted a picture to celebrate National Coffee Day today on Instagram & scrolled down my feed while I was there. That's where I found the #iambraveandbeautiful hashtag (Is it redundant to put the # thing, then spell out 'hashtag'?). Inspired by Colbie Caillat's song, "Try", the hashtag is meant to be a vehicle for women everywhere to strip themselves of make-up, fancy hair, accessories, etc., & just be. Embrace our brave, beautiful, natural selves. 

So I did. 

I am brave because I am almost 40 years old & have lived to tell the tale.
I am beautiful because my glass is always half full. 
I am brave because life happened to me & I kicked it in the ass.
I am beautiful because my body is soft & curvy.
I am brave because I just said that.
I am beautiful because I choose to find beauty everywhere.
I am brave because I am an introvert & happy to be one.
I am beautiful because I am a mama.
I am brave because I am a mama.
I am beautiful because the black bags under my eyes are the same as my Papa Donnie's.

What makes you brave? What makes you beautiful?
I invite you to embrace you brave beautifulness.

Eat Drink Stitch with Hey Paul Studios

Last week I had the opportunity to attend my first Eat Drink Stitch event, hosted by Kristen of Hey Paul Studios. 

After an eventful, hour long trek in rush hour, accident prone traffic(in a perfect world it would have only taken 25 minutes)in my teeny tiny rental car I finally made it to The Big Rip Brewing Company. 

What a great place! Big Rip's beer selection is awesome & they have a patio that's perfect for stitching with friends or just hanging out. Helen's On Wheels was in the parking lot with food truck greatness like gyros, tacos, & burgers.

Kristen was such a gracious hostess, having many items available for novice to advanced stitchers. She had beginner sticher's bags available for purchase with everything one would need to get started on a project, a fantastic selection of hand drawn craft beer inspired embroidery designs, & a complimentary thread bar so we could personalize our projects.

Aren't these the cutest stinkin' pin cushion rings?! 

See that glass? That's a hand crafted root beer with vanilla vodka. Ridiculous. And I'm a little mad I only had one.  

Thanks so much for another great event, Kristen! I met some amazing KC makers & bloggers ---- Can't wait for the next one!

* I apologize for the craptastic phone pictures. Apparently, dropping your phone in water isn't good for it. 

** OK, OK, a toilet. Dropping your phone in a toilet isn't good for it.

Hey Paul's Stitch Picnic

"Mom, I wanna learn how tah stitch!"

"Mama, can I stitch with you? I want to have my own hoop."

Two phrases I hear a lot. I had been planning to get a few plastic needles for the girls & teaching them a simple stitch or two. So when Kristen of Hey Paul Studios announced a Stitch Picnic at Loose Park, I was really excited to take the girls & share this with them. 

Several of us got together near the Rose Garden to work on projects & simply enjoy each other's company. The day was beautiful & we had a great time.

What a fun day to spend with others learning new things & seeing what others create. Throw in a near mauling by a squirrel, & you've got yourself a fantastic afternoon! The girls loved sitting in a really awesome tree & just stitching. They even asked to "knit" on the way home in the car. 

Thanks, Kristen, for a great day! Be sure to follow Hey Paul Studios for info on fun stitching events in KC. And check out Handmade in KC for a great group of local makers.

say

say....

thank you.
i'm sorry.
i miss you. 
i love you.
i am hurt.
i forgive you. 
goodbye. 
hello. 
you matter. 
you matter to me. 
life is hard. 
and life is lovely.
treat me how you want to be treated. 
love me. 
i am ok. 
you are beautiful.
things get better. 
hold my hand.
i am strong. 
you are strong. 
believe. 

Even if your hands are shaking. Even if all you do is whisper. 
say. 

Too often we're afraid of our own feelings to just say. Too often we're afraid of others' feelings to simply say. 

When you say, you heal. Healing is good. Healing is necessary.

When you say, you acknowledge & are aware. You acknowledge yourself & you acknowledge others. You are aware of your heart. Other hearts.

When you say, you feel. Feeling is what ties us together. Feelings make us whole. 

When you say, you breathe. You exhale. 

Just.

Handmade in Kansas City Summit

Last Saturday was a great day ---- I finally got to meet some of my new maker friends at our first Handmade in Kansas City summit!

We met at a great local bike shop in downtown Lenexa, Velo+. What an awesome place! Velo+ offers custom handmade bicycle frames, group riding opportunites, riding accessories made by local folks, & in house ROASTED COFFEE. Definitely a great place for seasoned riders, as well as beginning cyclists!

Since joining Handmade in KC a few months ago I have loved getting to know everyone a little through our various business pages & online discussions. It's one thing to stalk admire an artist's work online, but it's quite another to see their beautiful creations in person.  

I kind of geeked out.

There is SO.MUCH. talent in this group; the heart & passion of each maker is so very evident in every piece. Here are some of my crappy phone artistic snapshots from the evening:

Each maker received cards to hand out with information on Handmade in Kansas City. These will be a great way to spread the word about our group & the handmade initiative!

Hey Paul Studios features one of a kind embroidery designs & specializes in medical anatomy embroidery. Kristen's designs are amazingly intricate & so unique. I think her brains & state pillows are my favorite! 

Nuggets of Goodness offers handmade jewelry with a vintage vibe. I loved looking through Carla's vintage jewelry case & finding so many lovely one of a kind pieces; just like going through my grandma's jewelry when I was little!  

I think my favorite piece from Creations by M & J was the little porcupine she brought to the summit. So cute & squeezy (totally a word)! Jennifer even gave me the courage to try something I've never tried before. Thanks for the piping tip!!!











Oh, Stik A Pin In It....
Pretty much everything you make will one day be in my sewing room. Seriously. Shelly makes such cute sewing kits & needle minders. I'll never have to crawl around on the floor searching for that lost needle again!

DO YOU SEE THE THE UPCYCLED INSTRUMENTS?!?!
Hang Ups in KC, you had me at trumpet, clarinet, & violin. I don't even know what else to say, Kristi & Carolyn, except your sass is almost as amazing as your handmade jewelry. I love it.

Ni-Chern Designs makes so many fun accessories, including aprons with lots of pockets that are perfect for craft shows or garage sales. Nicole also makes key fobs in two sizes, one of which I will be ordering soon since I dropped my last one in the toilet at Red Robin....

I cannot begin to imagine the time & patience Amy utilizes to create her hand rolled paper beads for By Wicked Red. The bracelets she brought to the summit were stunning. Do you see the hand rolled beads from sheet music?! 

I am going to smell soooooo good now, thanks to Kenna with Gratitude Soapery. She was so sweet & brought all of us samples of natural, handmade soap! I keep opening up my package of lavender soap & just breathing it in. Can't wait to try more!

The unique, inspiring pieces by Altered Iris are so incredible. Cherie combines paper, paint, & ink to create such amazing artwork! I fell in love with the little ampersand canvas several weeks ago. She also carries prints of her originals, as well as pendants & magnets. 

Aaaaaaand, here's my sad little display. All of my fun display pieces are packed away for our move, so I had to use my plastic storage bin to prop up my poor dolls. Obviously, I also got a horribly uncroppable picture....








I cannot wait to get to know more about my fellow makers. I left our summit feeling inspired, happy, & more determined than ever that I am on the right creative path. We were missing several of our maker friends at our summit, so please be sure to check out our Handmade in Kansas City website to see more local makers!

THANK YOU, HANDMADE IN KC FRIENDS! Next time, it's jammies.

On Being Stupid

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone about specific reservations I've been holding on to for quite some time. Keeping myself at arm's length from the situation without a solid reason why. 

Then she said, "Do you think maybe it's because you don't want to look stupid?" 

OUCH. 

And yes. 

The *ahem* older I get, the more I've come to understand that appearances really don't mean anything. You can create a facade of perfection, yet be crumbling on the inside. You may live paycheck to paycheck, but be rich with the fulfillment of doing something you love. My fear of "looking stupid" was preventing me from truly embracing my whole self. My whole life, essentially. Humiliation sucks, but choosing to avoid it at all costs has sadly prevented me from making some pretty fabulous mistakes. 

"I invite you to look stupid," she said. 

Such a silly sentence, but it was an f-ing LIGHT BULB MOMENT. 

What's the worst that could happen? I put my most honest, loving, best self out into the universe, personally AND professionally. If people can't or won't accept me, then it's their loss. If I am living a life I am proud to live no one can take my joy.  

So this is me. Looking stupid. 

Looking stupid has given me so many opportunities recently that I never would have were I still choosing to hide. I made a kickass new friend (Hey, Natalie, HEEEEEEEEY!) by participating in a swap on Instagram, taught myself embroidery, joined the amazing Handmade in Kansas City group, began a partnership with Ribbon of Worth Foundation, donated to various fundraisers, & have just recently been met with a possible new adventure that is incredibly close to my heart.

So, friends, I extend the invitation to you. Be stupid with me.





P.S., "She" & "someone" are my therapist who, I'm pretty sure, has a direct link to God, Buddha, & most other mind blowing philosophers.

On Motherhood

There are two things I know for sure since becoming a mama. First, this job is a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be. Second, & perhaps the most ego crushing, I know absolutely nothing & my own mommy has been right about everything this whole damn time. Just when I think I have this whole thing figured out, one of these little boogers throws me a giant curveball & unravels all this fake knowledge I thought I had. 

Our oldest daughter was born after five long years of multiple miscarriages, fertility medications, & treatments. She was conceived during our third & final round of intrauterine insemination. I was sick almost immediately & puked my guts out through my entire pregnancy. Karsen Hope taught me patience, perseverance, & the power of hopefulness. She introduced me to a type of love that is immediate, intense, & radiates from a place in the soul you never knew you had. All of this while making me weep with nausea every time I passed an ice cream billboard.

Then there's the little one....She decided to show up after almost three more years of trying for another baby, a couple of surgeries, another miscarriage, & managed to sneak in past a forgotten birth control device, just two weeks after scheduling my husband's vasectomy. I got sick about four weeks in to my pregnancy & barfed every day until the day she was born. Owynne Faith taught me I am not in charge, ferocity, & to have faith beyond what I can see. That place in your soul? She showed me it is bigger, brighter, & more powerful than I ever thought possible. 

Then there are my babies in Heaven. The babies I never got to hold. To smell their baby smell. To "This Little Piggy" their toes. To sing them to sleep. There are eight of them. They taught me the meaning of true heartache, strength, bravery, & the magic of the universe. These babies visit me in my sleep. I see them in the flowers & butterflies, I feel them in the way the sun touches my cheeks, & I see them in the beautiful eyes of their sisters.


There are three things I know for sure since becoming a mama. First, this job is a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be. Second, I know absolutely nothing & my own mommy has been right about everything this whole damn time. 

And third, I am hopeful, full of faith, ferocious, & magical. 

All because I am a mama. 

Happy Mother's Day, friends. 

On New Adventures

As part of working to grow the audience for my little business, I recently joined a new group of wonderful crafters solely from the Kansas City area. I am pretty new to the group, but have so enjoyed getting to know everyone a little through the interwebs. 

I love seeing so many wonderful, innovative products coming from the place I call home. There are eco-friendly crafters, crafters who upcycle, jewelers, glass artists, & embroidery artists, just to name a few of the amazing talents. 

Take a look at Handmade in Kansas City's website to see all the amazing artists & our work. The website features links to shops, as well as a blog featuring "Meet the Maker" posts to get to know the artists. 

I planned a more in depth Handmade in KC post, but a sick little person is occupying my time for the next few days. Hoping to share more about this awesome group soon!!!

On Worth

Yesterday I celebrated the beginning of my 39th year of life.

(damn, that's really close to 40.) 

The day started out beautiful. It was chilly, but the sun was shining & the sky was a bright shade of blue. I had a couple of hours to myself, enjoyed a much needed conversation with a beautiful friend, then ate lunch with my girls at school where I saw another friend. I even got to take a short nap. Somewhere along the way the sun went into hiding, the skies turned grey, & my mood went with it. The peace & contentment I had felt was replaced by sadness & an overall feeling of just being....lost. I couldn't figure it out. Nothing had happened to bring on these feelings; they just kind of crept in. Do you ever feel that way? I have a natural tendency toward depression, so things like this sometimes happen. Most of the time I can shake it off fairly quickly with music, dancing, sewing, or just willing myself to be free & silly. Which was the case yesterday. My littlest came in to the bathroom as I was getting ready for our family dinner date. She looked at me with her big brown eyes & I just knew everything was fine. I also stuck her nannyhose (some people might call them tights, which is just weird) on her head & she looked like a little floppy eared bunny, so that helped. And the rest of the day was just as it had began. Beautiful.

But sometimes that feeling of being lost sticks around for a while & I just can't get rid of it. Colors dull to a grey scale & nothing seems to be right. I don't feel worthy of the life I have been given & begin to despair I will be caught in the lie that is me. Maybe the people in my life will discover I am not worthy of their friendship, their love. I get so scared of being "found out" that I simply shut down & lock all my doors & windows because it's easier than letting people in. Other times I feel nothing at all. That's the worst. These things are all myths that depression has created. Certain circumstances in my life have perpetuated my depression & it has definitely gotten the best of me a few times. There were times I wasn't sure I would be able to see color ever again. 

I know I am better than that. I AM BETTER THAN DEPRESSION.

So I finally rounded up enough courage to ask for help. Initially I sought out therapy for my girls. I wanted to make sure I could be the best version of myself for them. Because they deserve a happy, healthy, strong mama & positive role model. After several sessions, I began to feel different. And I started acknowledging the effects my sessions were having on me. I felt light, hopeful, strong, & colorful more. I began to understand &, most importantly, appreciate my worth like I never had before. 

I am so proud to share that I have partnered with Ribbon of Worth Foundation to help others remember their own worth. Here is their mission statement:

Ribbon of Worth Foundation is dedicated to promoting individual and community wellness by strengthening self-worth, through advocacy, education, research and service. 

10% of each sale from my Etsy shop will be donated to Ribbon of Worth Foundation to help support its mission & sustain the understanding that we are all worthy creatures. Worthy of life, love, happiness, & color. 

And now, because I can never seem to keep things serious for too long, please enjoy my worthy fish face.

What Have I Been DOING? AKA, Another Lazy Post

So, it's been a long time....

Here are some pictures to capture a few moments of my life over the last year:

A lot of this.

Baby girl's worst febrile seizures to date + flu = hospital stay.

Being grateful for this.

A lot of board games. Like, A LOT.

Making school play costumes for my budding theatre geek.

Hanging out with my favorite sister.

Cooking with this tiny chef.

Remembering why I love him so much.

Participating in my very first craft shows. AND LOVING IT.

My big girl started 2nd grade & my little girl started preschool. And mommy had a breakdown.

Learning new things. 

Things haven't always been easy, but they have always forever amen been worth it. I am excited & ready to share my thoughts, my rants, & hopefully some inspiration.