I don't like you, but I love you
This has been in my head for almost 3 full days. You're welcome.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Etta James, 1938-2012
Today the world is a little more bleak, the heavens shine a little brighter, as we celebrate the life of Etta James, born Jamesetta Hawkins.
Ms. James,
You fully, unselfishly revealed to me the awe-inspiring power & beauty of one's voice. In just a few short bars you light a fire within, make my heart ache, bring me to my knees, & then make me stand tall once more.
Thank you....
Monday, January 16, 2012
Content of Character
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
How beautiful a world it will be when we can all be judged by the content of our character....
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thank You, Sunday
- Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
24 hours
* Debate 2013 Baseball Hall of Fame prospects, steroids, & gambling.
* Watch "Moneyball". Love it.
* Turn up burner too high & burn oil in Whirly Popper.
* Cut hole in popcorn bag to fill up container, only to realize another has been ripped & kernels are falling out all over the counter, floor, stove.
* It takes two adult Schumakers & three containers to wrangle all the popcorn kernels.
* Oil is so hot it burns half the kernels, rather than popping them.
* Bowl of popcorn just magically falls off the arm of the chair all over my lap, the chair, & new carpet.
* There is some type of hole in my lip that causes me to drool my alcohol all down my sweatshirt, rather than down my throat.
* F-ing popcorn falls out of the bowl again.
* Gigantic nose zit gets even bigger & redder. In the morning, the bigger child says, "Mom, what's wrong with your nose? Do you need a bandaid?" Smaller child says, "Mama, you got owie? Aww, poor Mama."
* Run dishwasher.
* New flooring gets christened with dog barf. A lot of dog barf.
* Bigger child takes, literally, two steps outside the garage & falls on the driveway in the snow. Twice. "I'm ok, I'm ok." she says.
* Nice, long phone conversation with my friend, Michelle.
* Dog barf again.
* Rearrange kitchen cabinets. Move serving bowls & platter seven times before settling on a spot that will do for now.
* New carpet stairs get christened with dog barf.
* Smaller child states she wants "noo-duhs & cookies" for "yunch". Done & Done.
* Trip over multiple tiaras & princess shoes in the kitchen.
* "MOMIWANTSTAWBEHYEEJUICEINNAMYCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!"
* "MOMIWANHEEYUHGEORGIATHONGNOW!!!!!!!!!!!"
* "MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
* Read "Smile For Elmo" & rock the smaller child.
* Take a shower without interruption.
* Freak out because dog has refused to drink water & has been sleeping excessively.
* Call vet & make early evening appointment.
* Drive to pick up bigger child from school with a plastic high heeled clad toddler in tow.
* Make hot chocolate for snack. Become a hero.
* Help with homework, but not with sentence writing because she does not *need* it.
* Take puppy to vet. Spend some bucks for a shot, some amoxil, & advice that if she isn't better by Saturday to bring her in for bloodwork.
* Make kickass dinner that no one is nearky as excited about as me. Happy for leftover clementine salsa for the next 24 hours.
* Receive play by play of two bowling games from bigger child.
* "MAMAGIMMIEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!!!"
* Smaller child gets angry because there is no more dip & throws plate across the table & onto the floor.
* Clean kitchen. Set dishwasher to run in three hours. For the second time.
* Listen to bigger child read "That's Not My Reindeer" for bedtime book. Cuddle in rocking chair with bigger & smaller.
* Hear a clink, clink, bonk sound & then "I spilled my beer." New living room carpet has been christened.
* Write blog post about the last 24 hours.
* Watch "Moneyball". Love it.
* Turn up burner too high & burn oil in Whirly Popper.
* Cut hole in popcorn bag to fill up container, only to realize another has been ripped & kernels are falling out all over the counter, floor, stove.
* It takes two adult Schumakers & three containers to wrangle all the popcorn kernels.
* Oil is so hot it burns half the kernels, rather than popping them.
* Bowl of popcorn just magically falls off the arm of the chair all over my lap, the chair, & new carpet.
* There is some type of hole in my lip that causes me to drool my alcohol all down my sweatshirt, rather than down my throat.
* F-ing popcorn falls out of the bowl again.
* Gigantic nose zit gets even bigger & redder. In the morning, the bigger child says, "Mom, what's wrong with your nose? Do you need a bandaid?" Smaller child says, "Mama, you got owie? Aww, poor Mama."
* Run dishwasher.
* New flooring gets christened with dog barf. A lot of dog barf.
* Bigger child takes, literally, two steps outside the garage & falls on the driveway in the snow. Twice. "I'm ok, I'm ok." she says.
* Nice, long phone conversation with my friend, Michelle.
* Dog barf again.
* Rearrange kitchen cabinets. Move serving bowls & platter seven times before settling on a spot that will do for now.
* New carpet stairs get christened with dog barf.
* Smaller child states she wants "noo-duhs & cookies" for "yunch". Done & Done.
* Trip over multiple tiaras & princess shoes in the kitchen.
* "MOMIWANTSTAWBEHYEEJUICEINNAMYCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!"
* "MOMIWANHEEYUHGEORGIATHONGNOW!!!!!!!!!!!"
* "MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
* Read "Smile For Elmo" & rock the smaller child.
* Take a shower without interruption.
* Freak out because dog has refused to drink water & has been sleeping excessively.
* Call vet & make early evening appointment.
* Drive to pick up bigger child from school with a plastic high heeled clad toddler in tow.
* Make hot chocolate for snack. Become a hero.
* Help with homework, but not with sentence writing because she does not *need* it.
* Take puppy to vet. Spend some bucks for a shot, some amoxil, & advice that if she isn't better by Saturday to bring her in for bloodwork.
* Make kickass dinner that no one is nearky as excited about as me. Happy for leftover clementine salsa for the next 24 hours.
* Receive play by play of two bowling games from bigger child.
* "MAMAGIMMIEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!!!"
* Smaller child gets angry because there is no more dip & throws plate across the table & onto the floor.
* Clean kitchen. Set dishwasher to run in three hours. For the second time.
* Listen to bigger child read "That's Not My Reindeer" for bedtime book. Cuddle in rocking chair with bigger & smaller.
* Hear a clink, clink, bonk sound & then "I spilled my beer." New living room carpet has been christened.
* Write blog post about the last 24 hours.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Sunday Creativity
- So you see, imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.
- Brenda Ueland
- My moodling will have to wait, as I will be holding a pukey, sick baby today. But I encourage you to moodle to your heart's content....
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Release, Let Go, Fly
Far too often in 2011 I found myself looking for answers, wondering what went wrong, trying desperately to "fix", looking for a place to house my hurt....When the New Year hit, I looked around & found myself in the same place: Caged. Trapped. Trapped by fear, pain, uncertainty.
A few days ago I sat down & wrote letters. Letters that explicitly spelled out my pain, hoping to relieve me from it. Some I intended to mail so that others would know my pain, some I thought I would hold on to so I could remember my pain, others I wasn't quite sure what to do with. I kept these letters for 3 days. I read them over & over again. Putting pen to paper released some of my pain, sure. But each time I read my words it bounced right back to me, tenfold.
On the third day, I received an internal slap in the face. "Remember my pain?" I thought to myself, "Who the fuck wants to hold on to that forever? Do YOU?" I also asked myself if I wanted to be that person: You hurt me so I hurt you back & try to make you just as miserable. I don't want to be that person. I am not that person. I finally, finally understood I was the one allowing the pain to continue by letting it take up residence within me. I knew I wanted to release it.
I want to share beauty, light, purpose, music, love....
I burned those pages & pages of hurt & anger. And as I placed each page into the flames I said out loud, "I release you. Goodbye."
Sounds corny as hell, but damn if it didn't work.
With each page burned, a boulder removed itself from my chest. And as I watched the pages turn to ashes & disappear I realized all those words, the pain & anger, were no longer mine. They. Were. Gone.
And now I am finally free to fly.
A few days ago I sat down & wrote letters. Letters that explicitly spelled out my pain, hoping to relieve me from it. Some I intended to mail so that others would know my pain, some I thought I would hold on to so I could remember my pain, others I wasn't quite sure what to do with. I kept these letters for 3 days. I read them over & over again. Putting pen to paper released some of my pain, sure. But each time I read my words it bounced right back to me, tenfold.
On the third day, I received an internal slap in the face. "Remember my pain?" I thought to myself, "Who the fuck wants to hold on to that forever? Do YOU?" I also asked myself if I wanted to be that person: You hurt me so I hurt you back & try to make you just as miserable. I don't want to be that person. I am not that person. I finally, finally understood I was the one allowing the pain to continue by letting it take up residence within me. I knew I wanted to release it.
I want to share beauty, light, purpose, music, love....
I burned those pages & pages of hurt & anger. And as I placed each page into the flames I said out loud, "I release you. Goodbye."
Sounds corny as hell, but damn if it didn't work.
With each page burned, a boulder removed itself from my chest. And as I watched the pages turn to ashes & disappear I realized all those words, the pain & anger, were no longer mine. They. Were. Gone.
And now I am finally free to fly.
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