Accountability

Today I posted a link on my Facebook wall to a CNN Entertainment article about R&B singer Chris Brown's recent appearance on Good Morning America. He was there to promote his new album, however Robin Roberts repeatedly brought up his violent past & a horrific assault on his former girlfriend, also a singer, Rihanna. After the interview Brown, allegedly, began ranting & yelling so loudly security was called. He also (allegedly) threw a chair at a window in his dressing room. The impact broke the window, which could be seen from outside the studio on Broadway.

This (alleged) act of ridiculous behavior, combined with several other sensationalized acts of misbehavior (Charlie "Tiger Blood" Sheen , Mel "What The Hell Happend to You" Gibson, Lindsay "Crackety Crack" Lohan, Britney "Buzzcut" Spears....) & recent life events have led me to really reflect on what it truly means to be accountable. 

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines accountability as "the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions accountability>". 

Simple enough; straight forward, right?: Be responsible for your behavior.


Here is how I choose to define accountability: An obligation, willingness, & responsibility to accept the consequences ---- positive & negative ---- of one's chosen behavior & its effect on the past, present, & future. To take ownership of one's self: the good, the bad, & the ugly.

Each & every behavior we engage in has a consequence. Britney Spears & Lindsay Lohan are now more known for their outrageous behavior rather than their accomplishments. There have been times in the last nearly 36 years that I reflect upon with great pride & a sense of accomplishment. There are also events in my life that make me want to crawl under a rock....I have chosen to behave in ways that were disrespectful, self righteous, & down right horrible. But I can't change the way I behaved & I can't expect others to forgive & forget my actions just because I apologized. To an old boyfriend I will always be the angry ex who left a nasty message on his machine, no matter how many apologies I've said or how many years have passed. And I hate that. I hate that anyone who heard that message 17 years ago will only have those ugly words to form their opinion of me. Because those words were not me, nor are they now. But I cannot take them back. I can explain away my behavior that day by telling you about terrible things going on in my life at the time, how he & his poor answering machine got the brunt of all my anger & hatred that should have been directed elsewhere. Surrounding circumstances do not mitigate or change the fact that I made a conscious choice to behave like an outright asshole. 

Perhaps the hardest things to erase from another's memory are the words we speak. Sometimes we are so quick to get our thoughts out on the table we fail to consider their effect on others. Consider Mel Gibson's recent potty mouth. The words he increasingly chooses to puke out are so disgusting, so hateful, so detrimental that it seems to me he will be remembered for his abusive words, rather than his film career. Has he done anything in recent memory to
even attempt to redeem himself? Has he acknowledged his deplorable behavior & made an honest effort to change? And what type of legacy is he creating for his children? If you happen to speak before you think, be prepared to continually answer for your words.


The "Rihanna incident", as the media calls it, happend nearly 3 years ago & Chris Brown is still called upon to answer for his actions that night. He later tweeted something to the effect of "why can't the past stay in the past". Well, sweetheart, it's not that simple. As much as we would like to take all bad stuff & sweep it under the rug, it just doesn't happen that way. The bad becomes just as much a part of us as the good. It shapes & molds us into the person we are & who we will become. 


So how do we move forward? How do we get beyond the bad, so we can focus on the good? It starts with accountability. Take ownership of everything you say & do; use your experiences to cultivate a better understanding of yourself. Answer for your misgivings, however don't let them define you.