Our oldest daughter was born after five long years of multiple miscarriages, fertility medications, & treatments. She was conceived during our third & final round of intrauterine insemination. I was sick almost immediately & puked my guts out through my entire pregnancy. Karsen Hope taught me patience, perseverance, & the power of hopefulness. She introduced me to a type of love that is immediate, intense, & radiates from a place in the soul you never knew you had. All of this while making me weep with nausea every time I passed an ice cream billboard.
Then there's the little one....She decided to show up after almost three more years of trying for another baby, a couple of surgeries, another miscarriage, & managed to sneak in past a forgotten birth control device, just two weeks after scheduling my husband's vasectomy. I got sick about four weeks in to my pregnancy & barfed every day until the day she was born. Owynne Faith taught me I am not in charge, ferocity, & to have faith beyond what I can see. That place in your soul? She showed me it is bigger, brighter, & more powerful than I ever thought possible.
Then there are my babies in Heaven. The babies I never got to hold. To smell their baby smell. To "This Little Piggy" their toes. To sing them to sleep. There are eight of them. They taught me the meaning of true heartache, strength, bravery, & the magic of the universe. These babies visit me in my sleep. I see them in the flowers & butterflies, I feel them in the way the sun touches my cheeks, & I see them in the beautiful eyes of their sisters.
There are three things I know for sure since becoming a mama. First, this job is a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be. Second, I know absolutely nothing & my own mommy has been right about everything this whole damn time.
And third, I am hopeful, full of faith, ferocious, & magical.
All because I am a mama.
Happy Mother's Day, friends.
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